Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Let's Celebrate Twenty Eight


I like being married. I like my female friends. They are very dear. My male friends sometimes send me emails like the one I received yesterday with the title, Fairy Tale. It goes like this: "One day, long, long ago.......There lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch. But this was a long time ago....... and it was just that one day. The End." Apparently, some people don't like marriage. Maybe some men don't like women! The friend who sent this to me is a nice guy. He thought this was funny. But I get tired of hearing women constantly criticized by men. Perhaps my friend was constantly criticized by women or hurt deeply by a woman. It makes me wonder.

Saturday, Jan and I celebrated our twenty-eighth wedding anniversary. Not a bad accomplishment for a baby boomer. It doesn't even remotely resemble the Fairy Tale I quoted. I don't have as much hair as I used to and I'm not as muscular as I was the day we got married. Jan doesn't have the youthful appeal she did either. Should I expect her too? Beauty and physical strength is fickle and short lived. Even a sunset over the Pacific ocean, though beautiful, can't be completely captured. "The beauty of the natural world," says N.T. Wright, "is at best the echo of a voice, not the voice itself." The same thing could be said of relationships.

Everyone wants to be liked, loved, accepted, and special. Marriage is the deepest completion of that desire. And yet so many marriages end in bankruptcy. I think people were made for relationship, yet making relationships work, let alone flourish, is remarkably difficult. Jan and I have had our moments. Billy Graham's wife was once asked if she had ever considered divorcing her husband. Her answer is profoundly humorous, "Divorce? No. Murder. Yes!" There was a period in our marriage when, outside of divorce, I would have been happy to get out. Surprised? Sorry to disappoint you. I'm sure Jan felt the same way. But God in his grace and mercy invited both of us to take a deep inner look at what was real in us. It was hard. I'd have rather had a root canal. But in the end, it was worth it.

I had dinner last night with a friend in Christian ministry. He acknowledged that there were things in his marriage that were not right. It was eating him up. Just that morning he and his wife had had a terrible fight. I tried to encourage him and let him know that the best thing he could give his congregation was a healthy marriage. As a few of my friends have said, "The best thing you can give your kids, is a healthy marriage." I believe it. Gerry Scazzero recently asked a poignant question that went something like this, "How would it have benefited your marriage if your parents had gotten help for their own." Great thought! I hope my kids can someday look at me and Jan and answer in a positive fashion.

5 comments:

Kevin said...

Congratulations Dave & Jan! Lauren and I are celebrating our 15th this year. We are thinking of coming to New York to celebrate . . . any chance you might have a spare bed available sometime next May? :)

Dave Miles said...

Yes Kevin. We do have a bed available for your wife--but its the garage for you. This can be remedied if you admit openly that the Red Wings are a good hockey team.

dave

Kevin said...

Okay . . . I admit that I underestimated the Wings this year - they finally got that big hairy monkey off their back. Next year is the year of the Canuck though. Once we get Sundin and Demitra we will be unstoppable. Muuwhahahaha! :)

Dave Miles said...

You can freely stay at my house next May 09. Just let me know in advance and by then we may be able to watch the Red Wings win the cup again--I hope. dave

Kevin said...

Thanks Dave! We should know by the beginning of the year if it is a go or not.

I would love to chat with sometime . . . . lots of exciting things happening here! :)