Reactivity,
and the corresponding fight, flight, or freeze responses often associated with
it, have historical precedent in our lives. In other words, they are virtually
programmed into our psyche through our family of origin, life experiences, or
just plain human frailty. James and John’s response to the Samaritan village
that rejected Jesus is a case of reactivity, “Lord, should we call down fire
from heaven to consume them?!!” they asked. “Good heavens no!!” Was Jesus
response [Miles paraphrase]. “I don’t do things like that, and neither should
you.” Their reactivity to being rejected by Gentiles was tied into their
Jewishness and the cultural climate of the day. The same is true for us.
Why
do we react when a parent or a spouse or a friend or an enemy states an obvious
opinion as if it was fact? Why do we react when a coworker blames us for
something we know we didn’t do? Why do we react when our expectations, even
those that are really unrealistic, aren’t met? Why do we react when people
don’t act or think the way we think they should act or think? Why do we react
when others do stuff that is problematic for us when we’ve never told them its
problematic for us?
In
reality, reactivity tells us something about ourselves. Here’s what I think: reactivity
tells us that something other than God is being used to validate our worth,
significance, prestige or reputation. In short, reactivity flows from idolatry.
And idolatry flows from the sense that something other than God will give me
joy, happiness or life. Merle Jordon in his book, Taking on the Gods, says “Essentially, persons are created in the
image of God and only in being true to that inner self, linked with God, will
emotional and spiritual well-being flow. When a person takes his or her
identity from that which is less that the Ultimate Source of Being, then the
sense of self is distorted. Various defenses
[emphasis mine] and emotional and physical symptoms may appear over time which
are covert modes of communicating that one is out of touch with one’s true self
and with the true God.” (pg. 24)
Truthfully,
we all do this. Some of us are just more overt about it than others. We may
react by quietly stewing for weeks over some perceived slight. Or we may
explode or become caustic or gossip or trash another person behind their back.
All of this tells us more about ourselves than we are often willing to admit.
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